Sunday, September 22, 2013

Sabotage, Clean Slates, and Overcoming

Sabotage is defined as: the act of destroying or damaging something deliberately so that it does not work correctly or n act or process tending to hamper or hurt.  

I have mentioned several times that I have been struggling- I finally admitted to a friend that I am in a cycle of sabotaging myself.  I am not sure why but I can pinpoint when it started- all the way back in June when I went to the doctor.  When she changed the number she wanted me to weigh I felt the wind go out of my sails.  I kind of took the attitude of "I worked so hard to get where I am and now it's all changing again."  The sad thing is I started to gain some of the weight back a little before the doctor but then that just made me feel defeated.  

After talking with a friend and getting a friendly "Gibbs slap" (but not literally) I realized I had two choices.  I could continue to whine and complain about it.  Or, I could have the attitude of "suck it up buttercup", gather my resources, pull up my big girl panties, and wipe the slate clean.  Obviously, I chose option 2- and I literally wiped the slate (or in my case the mirror clean).  I had been keeping track on my bathroom mirror since the journey started of my weekly weigh ins.  I was getting discouraged by looking at them so I wiped it down and am starting fresh on Monday.  I need a new start- to realize that I am not who I was and not yet who I am going to be.   


Because, you see- that night I got home, got on FB and this picture is what I see- along with the note on the FB page that I follow about not allowing old habits back in, no sabotaging yourself- literally within minutes of voicing out loud what I have known for a while.  

 

I feel like I am being watched and criticized for every little food/drink choice I make, every day I don't exercise, etc (and while that may not be true- I feel like it is).  What I have come to realize is this- there will be days where I don't do as well, where I have that pizza, or cake, or even soda- and guess what?  It's okay- it doesn't make me bad- it does make me normal.  As long as I don't make that my steady diet then it will all be okay.  My goal is to focus on healthy choices 80-90% of the time- the rest will work itself out.

So- to that end- I ask for your support, your prayers, your prodding and accountability.  I want someone to get on here, or on my FB page, or my twitter and ask me if I got my workout in or how I ate today. 

And this- well, this is the song that has been on my heart  and on my playlist lately- especially as I have struggled my way through this past week (oh and get the tissues out)





My challenge for the week: to stick with my workouts and my eating.  I have a busy week but I think I can do it and do it well!  I did not stick to my no soda- BUT I did cut way back so there's progress!  I will get there!

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