Friday, October 11, 2013

Freshmen 15, Beer Belly, Slut Gut.

Okay copyright right now on 'Slut Gut'. That shit is genius and it just came to me. I feel like I just gave birth to a brilliant new term and I'm so excited. Anyways! Today I wanna talk about alcohol. I feel like there is no better time to discuss this since it would appear that my New Years resolution was to drink more...spoiler alert: It wasn't.

It is a society accepted fact that alcohol makes you fat. Hence the terms freshman 15, beer belly, and now, (you're welcome), slut gut. But why? How does it actually make you fat? This was a mystery to me until literally 7 hours ago when I decided to figure it out.

Your liver, as you probably know, it the organ responsible for metabolizing alcohol. But what you may not know, it that alcohol is metabolized as a fat. Your body views alcohol as a poison. A toxin. Something it wants to get out of there as soon as possible. Once alcohol is in your system, your body makes metabolizing it the top priority. That means that it will stop metabolizing anything else in order to first get the alcohol metabolized. The reason for this is because unlike protein, carbohydrates, and actual fats, there is nowhere for alcohol to be stored in our body so it has be metabolized first. (Could I have used the work 'metabolized' one more time there? Yep. Metabolized.)

So how does this make you fat? It doesn't. In fact, most alcoholics that drink the majority of their calories are pretty thin. Granted their insides are a mess but generally, they aren't fat. (Obviously there are exceptions). The thing that makes you fat is this:

It's 10:00 PM on a Friday night. You've eaten all your meals for the day. You're at a comfortable 2,000 calories. Now your friends want to go clubbin'. So you go. You have ONE Long Island Iced Tea because you're being *good*. (1.5 oz vodka, 1.5 oz gin, 1.5 oz rum, 1.5 oz triple sec, 1 teaspoon tequila, 2 teaspoons orange juice, 2 oz. cola) You get back home at 2 AM and are starving because you haven't eaten since 9 PM. You have 2 slices of cold pizza and go to bed.

Let me break this down for you: 2,000 calories + 1 Long Island iced tea (507 calories) + 2 slices of cheese pizza (270 x 2= 540) = 3,047 calories for the day.

Aaaaaaaand that is why we gain weight from drinking.

But, again, alcohol is metabolized FIRST. So let's say it's 4 PM, you're going out to happy hour with your girlfriends. Adorable. You're feeling good because you've eaten well all day. You've eaten breakfast, snack, lunch, snack. You've eaten about 1,400 calories so far. You go out, and have 3 glasses of sangria at 150 calories per glass, and you guys get some pizza. The alcohol is absorbed and broken down first. Always no matter what. No question. Even if you are eating/drinking at the same time.

When you drink alcohol, it’s broken down into acetate (basically vinegar), which the body will burn before any other calorie you’ve consumed or stored, including fat or even sugar. So if you drink and consume more calories than you need, you’re more likely to store the fat from the pizza you ate because your body is getting all its energy from the acetate in the sangria you sucked down. This is where the term 'empty calories' comes from. Because you are most definitely absorbing all the calories from the alcohol, but nutrition wise, it's doing absolutely nothing for you. Just giving you calories and carbs and storing anything else you put in your body as fat for the time being. Further, studies show that alcohol temporarily inhibits “lipid oxidation”— in other words, when alcohol is in your system, it’s harder for your body to burn fat that’s already there.

Now, having said all of that, over eating/drinking is OKAY once in a while! (Like once a week for me...sorry mom). Your body can handle it. It's not going to ruin your metabolism or wreak total chaos on your body. Here are some 'healthy' suggestions I try and follow though if I know I'm going to be drinking :)


  • Make the 'right' wrong choice. Vodka is the best choice at around 95 calories per 1.5 oz. (Vodka+Soda water+Lime...mmm)

  • For me, I love tequila (Again, sorry Mom.) Me, being the cliche girl that I am, am OBSESSED with Bethenny Frankel's "Skinny Girl Margaritas". It comes bottled and only has 100 calories/serving. 400 calories/bottle! And at most bars, if you order a Skinny Girl Margarita, they know what you want. And still around 100 calories. (recipe below!)

Here's the bar version!

  • EAT FIRST!!!!! Can't stress that one enough. If you go out on an empty stomach, you're not the sharpest tool in the shed. But you are a tool. This will not only lead to getting sick, but overeating also. Like not eating in general, this will backfire.

  • Drunk Munchies...we all get them. So munch smartly! If you're at a party, bring a veggie platter or some baked chips and hummus. If everyone is going to Denny's at 2 AM, compromise. Maybe don't get the 'Grand Slam', just go with the pancakes!

Because at the end of the day, you can't sacrifice life and fun and friends and being social for being 'healthy'. As long as you're not drinking and eating like a maniac every night of the week, you're good. You will not gain weight from one or two days of over eating. Most importantly, don't punish yourself the next day. Just resume your routine. Please drink responsibly. Now....who's thirsty? :0)

Ps I SO badly want to make this for when I come home from a drunken night out...YUM. Anyone down? x



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